BUMPING NOSES AND CHERRY PIE is a book of short stories in a brand new genre created by the author, a former professional clown —Circuspunk! This is the answer to clown phobia. It's all there in 25 short stories that are a combination of satire, splatter and outright fun -- exploding clowns, Hondurican Monkey Flu, the elusive circus wank, a circus poodle raped by one of the show's rescue mutts, the hottest girl ever to set foot in a dunk tank, clowns, magicians, freaks, carnies, showgirls, and a wild and zany cast of characters at circuses, freakshows, carnivals and midways. Meet an MIT student who runs away to become a rodeo clown, an LGBT trained seal, a billionaire who runs away to join the circus, a ringmaster trying to juggle three women under one Big Top, a trapeze artist who has more problems with a sex swing than Chloe and Lamar. It's all there, and much more. It is a wild romp that will have you laughing until the very end. “This ain't your mama's roller coaster ride! That is unless your mama does acid before hitting the amusement park!” says Mimi Williams, author of “Beautiful Monster. “. Hate clowns or love them, you are going to enjoy reading her zany and sometimes poignant look at a world we both love,” adds Jim Rose of the Jim Rose Circus, Lalapalooza fame and author of “Freaks Like Me.” A professional clown for 9 years, Ms. La Marr tells it like it, like it should be and like those of you who with clown phobia would like it to be. So get your ticket and join us under the Big Top for BUMPING NOSES AND CHERRY PIE. The first Circuspunk book ever! And remember - buy your copy today because the clowns know where you sleep!
WHAT IS “CIRCUSPUNK”?
This is the definition that I sent to the Urban Dictionary. “Circuspunk is a new sub-genre of punk/bizarro literature scene created by Charie D. La Marr aka Persiphone Hellecat aka Kotton Kandy - a former professional clown. The genre includes stories that take place in circuses, carnivals, midways, sideshows and also includes stories of birthday party clowns, freaks, magicians and costumed characters. With some elements taken from her experiences in the world of clowns (she won't tell which are true and which aren’t) the genre is a blend of truth and fantasy that takes in the usual bizarro mixture of fun, sex, satire and splatter. Also included in the genre are dark stories, Lovecraftian stories, noir stories and other variations and combinations of contemporary literary genre.”
FROM “The Tunnel of Love”
“God damn it, I hate this fucking job,” said Mike Polkowski. He was wearing hip waders, standing in the icy-cold and filthy water at the Tunnel of Love with a pool cleaner, fishing out condoms, panties, bras and other assorted items.
He pulled out another condom. “Oh hell, look. Another Coney Island blowfish. At least this fucktard thought enough to tie a knot in the end. Most of them don’t seem to mind polluting the gene pool. Do you realize this water contains literally thousands of babies? Maybe millions?”
“Yeah right,” said his partner Phil Bognaki. He had pulled the plugs out of the bottom of the boats and was busy using a mop and disinfectant to swab out the spunk and other substances. “Can’t these people go home to boink like everybody else? Or like, get a room maybe? What is it about the Tunnel of Love that makes people want to get naked and churn butter?”
“Beats the shit out of me,” Mike said. “I mean, it’s a goddamn carnival ride! Go blow your load on the roller coaster.”
“We should do something about this crap,” Phil said. “You know, find some way to put a stop to this. There has to be a way to fix it so makin’ bacon is unpleasant during the Tunnel of Love ride and people stop doing it.”
“Yeah, and how come all the rest of the carnies get nice jobs like handing out cute teddy bears, yo-yos and key chains and I’m standing in a puddle of someone else’s unborn children?”
“Because it’s a good job for you two dumb Pollacks.” It was the boss standing behind them. “If you two assholes want better jobs with the show, you gotta start at the bottom. Pay your dues. And that means fishing for poon balloons at the Tunnel of Love.”
Mike fished out a red satin thong. “Holy shit, I wish I had the girl who fit into this! If she was the pony outside K Mart, I’d get a roll of quarters and ride her all day.”
The boss chuckled. “Boy, you have about as much chance of getting a babe like that as a snowball has in hell. Now get to work!” He snatched the thong from Mike and turned to walk away.
“Like he’d have a chance with her,” Phil said.
“I think he’s going to put them on,” said Mike.
“Or maybe sniff them.”
They both laughed.
The boss turned around. “What did you say, brain dead Pollack?”
“I said yes, boss, going to work, boss.”
“Well you better, or you’re not even gonna have a job mopping up jizz around here. Now get busy. The gates open soon.”
When the gates opened that afternoon, Mike and Phil were in really bad moods. It was Phil’s turn to take the tickets and Mike’s turn to help the people into the boats. He was supposed to buckle them in, but what was the point?
The first couple in line was already all over each other. Phil took their tickets and tore them in half.
“Enjoy your ride in the Tunnel of Love,” he said, handing the ticket stubs to the guy. “And try to keep it in your pants today, okay?”
“Well, I never!” the girl said indigently.
“Somehow, I doubt that sweetheart.” Phil said.
She was about to respond, but her boyfriend grabbed her hand and hurried her off to a boat. Phil estimated he was already at half-mast. They would be humpin’ and bumpin’ as soon as the boat disappeared into the tunnel.
The second couple that walked up with tickets was two guys. They were dressed alike in white pants, striped shirts and sailor hats, holding hands.
“We just got married!” one of them said. They both held up their rings for Phil to see.
“Well la-de-fucking-da! Get in the goddamn boat! Enjoy your honeymoon,” Phil said.
Next came an old bald guy in a leisure suit with a beer belly, escorting two barely legals—one on each arm. He handed Phil three tickets.
“Sorry pal. Two at a time. You’ll have to leave one of your daughters here and ride again.”
“Very funny,” the man said grabbing Phil by the shirt. “They ain’t my daughters and there ain’t no sign that says, “Two at a time”. I got three tickets and I say we all ride together.”
“Sure, why not?” Phil said. “Who gets to get banged first?”
“You should have such problems,” the guy said, chuckling as they walked away.
OMG......I don't know exactly where to start!! I had a lot of fun reading this book of short stories. This book had me smiling or laughing throughout the entire story and I was totally addicted. I just HAD to know if the next story was going to be better than the one before. Sure enough, I was not disappointing. I could not seem to put this book down, and when I wasn't reading, I was trying to find ways to get back to it or daydreaming of the stories I had already read. I also must say that I loved all the stories the same. I cannot sit here, while typing this review and think which one is my favorite.
At first when the author approached me, I have to admit that I was a bit leery, due to the fact it was out of my genre, but I went ahead and gave it a chance!! I am so glad I did, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. This book is an incredibly fun and memorable read!! I will admit that now I am a CIRCUSPUNK fan!! I highly recommend this book to adults of all genres with it's wittiness and humor that will sure make you a fan as well.
I received an e-ARC copy of this book, directly from the author, in return for an honest review.
Charie La Marr's first work in her self-created genre Circuspunk, "Bumping Noses and Cherry Pie" is a loving but irreverent look at the world of the Circus- from behind the scenes and in front of the lights. Hate clowns or love them, you are going to enjoy reading her zany and sometimes poignant look at a world we both love. Charie has the heart and soul of a clown and the polish, pop and sparkle of true author. – JIM ROSE of The Jim Rose Circus and best selling author of “Freaks Like Me”
"This ain't your mama's roller coaster ride! That is unless your mama does acid before hitting the amusement park! Or, rather, make that the circus. Hang on to your popcorn, make sure your red nose is properly secured, and don't get too close to the elephant! But above all, enjoy the hell out of this awesome book! Circuspunk has officially arrived and you do not want to miss this show!" – Mimi A. Williams, author of “Beautiful Monster”
I had the good fortune to read many of these stories in this book as they poured from Charie's fingers. As they arrived, I read them in big gulps, ever more impressed with the range she commands as a writer. From lyrical delicacy to bold, raunchy, side-splitting humor, La Marr is in full control of her powers. I can't remember reading a collection this consistently entertaining. – Alex S. Johnson, Author “Bad Sunset” and “Jason X – Death Moon”
“In Bumping Noses and Cherry Pie, Charie D. La Marr compiles the best of the bizarre.
Clowns and contortionists gather under this veritable big top tent to usher in Circuspunk,
the latest subgenre to invade the small press scene, one town at a time.” – Kirk Jones, author of “Uncle Sam’s Carnival of Copulating Inanimals”
I have known Charie for a long time and she is every bit a clown and a storyteller. In fact, she’s one of the few people I know who can keep up with me! Read Bumping Noses and Cherry Pie. You will laugh. And take my word on it—you will be hearing more from her! – Mickey Rivers NY Yankee World Champion 1977 and 1978 and clubhouse clown.
I have never come across a story that Charie couldn’t tell. She always manages to put her own slant on everything she write. Whether she is writing about baseball or the circus, her stories will capture your imagination and draw you into her world, holding you there until she is ready to let you go. BUMPING NOSES AND CHERRY PIE is a funny and crazy look at the world of the circus written by one who has been there. I expect big things from her, and honestly I cannot wait to see what she has in store next! – Ray Negron, author NYT bestseller “The Boy of Steel” and “Yankee Miracles”
Chupa Cabra House - Bumping Noses and Cherry Pie (collection)
Chupa Cabra House - “High School House of Horrors” – Short Story – Kindle Single
Book Surge Publishing - Ripple Effect (anthology) – Short Story “Entertaining an Angel Unawares”
JWK Fiction - Bones (anthology) – Short Story “A Bone to Pick”
Vampirical Lyrical - In Vein (anthology) – Short Story “Nothing Is Forever”
Chupa Cabra House - We Walk Invisible – Short Story – “Fifty”
Dynatox Ministries - Witch! (anthology) – Short Story – “The Three Hags Go To Burning Man”
Solarcide (online magazine) – Short Story – “To a Coy Mistress”
The Shwibly (online magazine) – Short Story - “The Dream”
Surreal Grotesque #13 (online magazine) – Short Story – “Convergence”
JWK Fiction – Novella - Squid Whores of the Fulton Fish Market
Fireside Press - Fireside Popsicles (anthology) – Short Story “The Lady in the Sideshow”
JWK Fiction - Ugly Babies 2 (anthology) – Short Story “Beauty is Only Skin Deep”
JWK Fiction - Indiana Horror (anthology) – Short Story “A Touch of Indigo
Oneiros Press - Cut Up! (anthology) – Short Story “The Lady and the Panther”
Chupa Cabra House - Axes of Evil (anthology) – Short Story “The Return of the Plaster Casters”
Sybartic Press - Octavia’s Brood (anthology) – Short Stories “Sweet Autumn” and “Growing Up in His Shadows”
Outpourings-For the People of the Philippines (anthology) – Short Story “A Moment in Time”
Waid Books - Bad Girl Tales (anthology) – Short Story “The Dressing Room”
Surreal Grotesque #14 (online magazine) Short Story “At Home With the Clintons”
Firbolg Publishers – The Rogues’ Gallery (anthology) - Short Story “Death in the Lady’s Dressing Room”
Aadenaen Ink – All the Night-Tide - Short Story (anthology) “The Brightest Eye”
Chupa Cabra House – Small Town Futures (anthology)– Short Story “Earth Model 16”
Fireside Press – Dark Wishes (anthology) – Short Story “The Great Magi”
Several projects as a ghostwriter.
PODCAST FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO
(Surreal Grotesque online magazine)
Hi my name is Charie D. La Marr, creator of the genre Circuspunk. Some of you might know me from Facebook as Persiphone Hellecat and some might even know me from the nine years I spent as a professional clown as Kotton Kandy.
So why, do you ask, does a person who spent nine years wearing the motley suddenly start writing stories where clowns blow up? First of all, that is only a part of Circuspunk. Circuspunk can bring in any other genres that you want—from romance to sci fi and everything inbetween. The stories include circuses, carnivals and fairs, midways, freak shows and sideshows, clown, magicians, freaks, acrobats, carnies … all of it!
And the reason is simple. Behind all that splatter and funk, I love the circus! This is a very irreverent, but loving look at a subject near and dear to my heart. But I just got tired of hearing people say, “I #$%$%$% hate clowns!” I would show them my picture and they would agree that as a clown, I was adorable, but they still hated clowns and wanted to see them wiped off the face of the earth. So I decided, if people want to blow up clowns, let’s do it MY way—with tongue firmly planted in cheek. And so Circuspunk was born. I hope that it makes people laugh and desensitizes that clown phobia. I consider it an antidote.
Now, that is not to say that I don’t understand clown phobia in children. As a clown, I took many courses in the psychology of children and how to handle them. I understand that we raise our kids telling them not to talk to strangers. And yet the first time they see a clown, they push the kid into the clown’s arms and get out the camera. I would freak too if my parents made me hug the strangest person I ever saw! I learned to get down to their level, stay back and talk softly and work to gain their trust until they came to me. I would talk about what was on their t-shirts, what their favorite subject in school was, anything to loosen them up and gain their confidence. And the truth was, I ended up in literally thousands of baby books because I never met a kid who ended up not liking me.
Sadly, I cannot say the same of their parents. I was a performing clown. I did magic shows, I walked around with magic tricks in my pockets and puppets. I was not a gumball machine. I didn’t give out cheap trinkets or make animal balloons. I saw way too many parents allow young ones to suck on those balloons and once saw a kid have to have a cheap ten cent ring pulled out of her throat.
My message is simple. Love us. We walk around all day in costumes that sometimes weigh close to ten pounds with wigs and full makeup in the hot sun. We get shin splints from working on unforgiving concrete surfaces. We work hard taking classes and keeping our skills and talents sharp and growing. And we ask nothing more from you than a smile. Is that a lot to ask for?
Distantly related to Mary Shelley on her father’s side, CHARIE D. LA MARR has created a genre called Circuspunk which is listed at Urban Dictionary. BUMPING NOSES AND CHERRY PIE is her first work in her new genre. She also has upcoming stories in Alex S. Johnson's heavy metal anthology Axes of Evil and Shwibly Magazine, James Ward Kirk's Bones and Ugly Babies 2, In Vein for the benefit of St. Jude’s Hospital, Chupa Cabra’s We Walk Invisible, Dynatox Ministries’ Witches!, Ripple Effect for Hurricane Katrina relief, Surreal Grotesque,Oneiros’ Books CUT UP! and other anthologies. She was September's featured writer at Solarcide. She is known for writing in many different genres from crime to bizarro to erotica and even Seussian. She is currently editing a Circuspunk anthology trilogy called The New Whakazoid Circus—the Greatest Show on Paper. And she has just sold a bizarro book to James Ward Kirk Fiction called Squid Whores of the Fulton Fish Market.
A colorful and often controversal personality, she is kown as a redhead with a redheaded attitude. She lives in NY with her mother and son (who works for her as her PA) and fur children Bailey Corwin, Babe Ruth and Casey Stengel. She has a degree in Interior Design, Summa Cum Laude, from New York Institute of Technology. She also spent nine years wearing the motley as a professional clown.
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Timm Tayshun, Publisher – Chupa Cabra House email@example.com
Charie D. La Marr